[Cosima doesn't break eye contact with Clara as she talks. She barely remembers to breath, she's so focused on her every word. When Clara finishes speaking, Cosima waits several seconds, making sure that she's said all she wanted to say.
When she's sure, Cosima takes a deep breath and begins, her voice unusually serious, her hands folded firmly in her lap to stop them from exploding into her usual hand motions. This conversation is too important for distractions.]
Cosima Niehaus. Twenty-nine, raised in San Francisco by exactly the kind of parents you'd think would name their kid Cosima with a dash of academia. I love science, the beach, Eskimo Pies, and if you ask any of my sisters, they'll tell you I'm terrible at romance. I have to disagree with them. Sort of. I fall in love way too quickly, often against all logic. My biggest fear is being all alone and yet I can't do long distance. Despite what you've witnessed the last few months, I'm a terrible liar, trust me. Ask Alison about the time I had to impersonate her, it did not go well.
Delphine is one of those relationships my sisters judge me for. She was my monitor, which is exactly what it sounds like. But I thought... I thought it was fine, starting a relationship with my monitor couldn't hurt me if I knew what I was doing. But I was wrong. She betrayed us, more than once. Our relationship was built on her keeping secrets from me, many times. And her leaving me. I tried the whole rebound thing, but it didn't work and then Delphine and I... When I first got here, we were just starting to figure things out again. And in those new memories I got? Most of that time I thought she was dead. Delphine was shot. We've only just been reunited with zero time for me to evaluate our relationship when I got pulled back here.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her. I should have as soon as I realized what was happening. Because you know that whole falling for people too fast thing? I pretty much fell for you the moment you answered my survey. And I knew I was going to love you after those days in the submarine. I wasn't looking for a rebound or a new girlfriend or whatever, but I couldn't not love you. And that chance at having a family? I still want that. With you. Because you're wonderful and caring and challenge me and no matter what you might think so full of life. I want my life here to continue to have you in it.
[Cosima stops to take a breath that she definitely needs.]
Full disclosure, but Delphine is like, my soulmate, but the thing is? You are too. And even if you don't think we should be together anymore, if that's not something you want after months of secrets, that's fine. I just... I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you.
[It's a little eerie, the way Clara can listen so intently, without breathing or blinking or fidgeting. She keeps her arms wrapped across her chest, a defensive gesture that provides no warmth, and her expression never changes.
When Cosima stops, it takes her a few moments to will herself into motion. She seems stuck between many choices, locked in debate with herself - the wall clock ticks in a nearly cartoonish measure of her doubt. Then, so quietly that she could be a spirit, Clara sits down on the couch, presses one hand to Cosima's cheek, and leans in to kiss her. It's short and chaste, but full of answers.]
You haven't. I'm not going anywhere, not again. [Her hand stays on Cosima's face, fingers soft and cool and firm.] I love you. I'm still a tiny bit cross, but that doesn't change anything. You've got me, for as long as you want me.
[Because she knows - you can have more than one soulmate. It's what she could never tell Danny, and hearing it from Cosima brings a relief she didn't know she needed.]
[When Clara sits beside her, Cosima releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding, the tension easing from her. Even before the kiss, she's instantly reassured, feeling normal and happy and like herself for the first time since Clara left her, no, their, apartment. The kiss is a surprise, but a welcome one that Cosima leans into, returning each of Clara's answers with one of her own.]
... I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's gonna be a very long time. [She takes Clara's free hand, entwining their fingers together.] Hope that's okay with you.
[Clara responds by hooking one leg over Cosima's, sliding gently into her lap. Cool palms press against warm ones.]
I think I can put up with it.
[But just as she's moving in for another kiss, Clara pauses. They can't restart this with anymore secrets, as badly as she wants to sweep everything back under the rug, and it's with deep regret that she leans back to look Cosima in the eye again.]
Before I ravish you, I sort of have one last confession. [Here goes. She sucks in a deep breath.] I wound up smashed at Sarah's, the night I ran off. And I may have pretended she was you, and snogged her a bit.
[Cosima makes a small noise of protest when Clara pulls back from the almost kiss, prepared to close the distance between them. But Clara looks so serious and almost nervous, she stops, giving her a curious look. She braces herself for the worst news.
She almost laughs when Clara tells her, and only manages to stop herself because she doesn't want Clara to think she's not taking her confession seriously.]
Man, you know, they really don't have enough ill-advised kissing incidents in all those clone/parent trap/mistaken identity stories...
[Cosima pauses, considering. Is she angry? Somewhat, but Clara told her the truth and that means more to her than one ill-advised makeout session. And a another part of Cosima's glad that someone was there for Clara even if it wasn't her.]
Do you want me to be angry? If we're going with a honesty policy in this relationship I don't think getting angry every time we tell each other the truth is productive.
... Also I'm still kinda processing that Sarah was into it.
[Cosima tries to look mock offended, but then Clara's kissing her and it's really hard to keep up the act. She presses their foreheads together, grinning.]
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When she's sure, Cosima takes a deep breath and begins, her voice unusually serious, her hands folded firmly in her lap to stop them from exploding into her usual hand motions. This conversation is too important for distractions.]
Cosima Niehaus. Twenty-nine, raised in San Francisco by exactly the kind of parents you'd think would name their kid Cosima with a dash of academia. I love science, the beach, Eskimo Pies, and if you ask any of my sisters, they'll tell you I'm terrible at romance. I have to disagree with them. Sort of. I fall in love way too quickly, often against all logic. My biggest fear is being all alone and yet I can't do long distance. Despite what you've witnessed the last few months, I'm a terrible liar, trust me. Ask Alison about the time I had to impersonate her, it did not go well.
Delphine is one of those relationships my sisters judge me for. She was my monitor, which is exactly what it sounds like. But I thought... I thought it was fine, starting a relationship with my monitor couldn't hurt me if I knew what I was doing. But I was wrong. She betrayed us, more than once. Our relationship was built on her keeping secrets from me, many times. And her leaving me. I tried the whole rebound thing, but it didn't work and then Delphine and I... When I first got here, we were just starting to figure things out again. And in those new memories I got? Most of that time I thought she was dead. Delphine was shot. We've only just been reunited with zero time for me to evaluate our relationship when I got pulled back here.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her. I should have as soon as I realized what was happening. Because you know that whole falling for people too fast thing? I pretty much fell for you the moment you answered my survey. And I knew I was going to love you after those days in the submarine. I wasn't looking for a rebound or a new girlfriend or whatever, but I couldn't not love you. And that chance at having a family? I still want that. With you. Because you're wonderful and caring and challenge me and no matter what you might think so full of life. I want my life here to continue to have you in it.
[Cosima stops to take a breath that she definitely needs.]
Full disclosure, but Delphine is like, my soulmate, but the thing is? You are too. And even if you don't think we should be together anymore, if that's not something you want after months of secrets, that's fine. I just... I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you.
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When Cosima stops, it takes her a few moments to will herself into motion. She seems stuck between many choices, locked in debate with herself - the wall clock ticks in a nearly cartoonish measure of her doubt. Then, so quietly that she could be a spirit, Clara sits down on the couch, presses one hand to Cosima's cheek, and leans in to kiss her. It's short and chaste, but full of answers.]
You haven't. I'm not going anywhere, not again. [Her hand stays on Cosima's face, fingers soft and cool and firm.] I love you. I'm still a tiny bit cross, but that doesn't change anything. You've got me, for as long as you want me.
[Because she knows - you can have more than one soulmate. It's what she could never tell Danny, and hearing it from Cosima brings a relief she didn't know she needed.]
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... I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's gonna be a very long time. [She takes Clara's free hand, entwining their fingers together.] Hope that's okay with you.
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I think I can put up with it.
[But just as she's moving in for another kiss, Clara pauses. They can't restart this with anymore secrets, as badly as she wants to sweep everything back under the rug, and it's with deep regret that she leans back to look Cosima in the eye again.]
Before I ravish you, I sort of have one last confession. [Here goes. She sucks in a deep breath.] I wound up smashed at Sarah's, the night I ran off. And I may have pretended she was you, and snogged her a bit.
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She almost laughs when Clara tells her, and only manages to stop herself because she doesn't want Clara to think she's not taking her confession seriously.]
Man, you know, they really don't have enough ill-advised kissing incidents in all those clone/parent trap/mistaken identity stories...
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You're not angry. [Is she laughing?] I thought there'd be a bit more anger.
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Do you want me to be angry? If we're going with a honesty policy in this relationship I don't think getting angry every time we tell each other the truth is productive.
... Also I'm still kinda processing that Sarah was into it.
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[The word "bi" starts to form on her tongue, but then she comes to realize Cosima's meaning.]
... You didn't either?
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No, man, she never mentioned it to me. I didn't exactly ask, but... I really should've picked up on it.
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I sort of asked her, which is really embarrassing now. But she said yes. The rest is unfortunate history.
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Unfortunate? She that bad a kisser? I'll have to let her know...
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[She smiles, then presses a gently kiss to the side of Cosima's neck. A second one follows, lingering.]
She just wasn't you.
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Nice save.
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